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Sunday, July 25, 1999

NEW SHOWS, THEY SUCK PART 5!

Check out my past declarations of upcoming crappy shows NEW to American TV this Fall:

NBC - THE WB - ABC - CBS

And now, let the blood bath continue with UPN!

"The Parkers" (UPN) - This Moesha spin-off probably has the most promise, story-wise, out of all of the new sitcoms on UPN this fall. Kim (Moesha's best-friend, I'm told) goes off to junior college only her Mom, Mo'Nique, decides that now is a good time to go back to school herself and that the junior college her daughter is going to is the right school for her to attend as well. Even though I won't be watching this show (I don't watch many sitcoms these days), dramatically and comedically it does seem pretty solid. I mean, how many people enjoy having their Mom around IN CLASS and out at CLUBS. SHEESH! Compared to the rest of the new fall fare, maybe I'll make time for The Parkers after all!

"The Grown Ups" (UPN) - I can't even figure out the premise of this show - it's so convoluted. It's something about Jaleel White (formerly Urkel) becoming a VP at a box making company and going after his high school crush. There are also a handful of other almost unrelated characters that are thrown into the mix for no apparent reason. This show will bomb, even if it's well written because Jaleel White does not have enough star power to pull people in long enough for them to get hooked.

"Shasta McNasty" (UPN) - The story of a three guy garage band that signs it's first recording contract. They also share an apartment that has a frequent kitchen-crasher in the form of a street-smart female from next door who basically plays the role of the token woman. Apparently the guys haven't let their success go to their heads as they still enjoy causing havoc in the lives of those around them, like the pizza guy or whatever. I have one thing to say to this show: "AND?!?" This show suffers from "Nothing New Here" Syndrome. We all saw the reruns of "The Partridge Family" and they were a nice wholesome family - these guys are just dickweeds with nothing better to do with their free time than mess around. This show sounds like a BIG bomb, but because it's on UPN, it might stick around for a couple seasons.

"Secret Agent Man" (UPN) - From the guy who brought us last year's flop Fantasy Island and this years theatrical flop Wild Wild West comes this hour drama that feels more like a sequel to the same guy's hit Men In Black from last summer. Only don't expect it to be any good unless Barry Sonnenfeld (the guy behind the aforementioned failures and success) actually went BACK IN TIME two years to when he was more talented and brought the show forward in time for us to watch it. SERIOUSLY - DON'T WATCH THIS SHOW - Dina Meyer is cute as hell, but the show looks like crap. Here's the dynamic, Super-cool and suave secret agent Monk takes on the new recruit, Parker, but somehow they have to deal with a Secret Agent Woman named Holliday. She has an elitist attitude that she is a better agent than Monk and that Parker should listen to her instead. And watch the cliches ensue!! (Didn't I see this dynamic in the old Transformers cartoon?)

"WWF Smackdown" (UPN) - Proof that UPN is scraping the bottom of the home viewer barrel, this "show" is just what it looks like--wrestling. 'Nuff said. Let's hope it bombs - of course, it won't. SHOOT ME NOW! SHOOT ME NOW!

"Blockbuster Video's Shockwave Cinema" (UPN) - This is a new series of crappy tv movies for UPN, sure NOT to please. Remember all those crappy TV Movies UPN's been running off and on for the past two or so years? No? There's a reason - they suck.

UPN is done - tune in next week for FOX! (I can't WAIT!!)

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