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Sunday, August 1, 1999

GEORGE, YOU'RE A FRIGGIN' DICKWEED! (YES, YOU, LUCAS!)

Anybody read EMPIRE Magazine?

Okay, now I'm ASSUMING you've seen The Phantom Menace by now but if you haven't and DON'T WANT ANYTHING GIVEN AWAY - STOP READING!!

Okay, here's what Lucas said in EMPIRE Magazine: "At one point, when Obi-Wan kills Darth Maul, he just fell into the pit. I looked at it and thought this isn't going to work because, if people like him enough, they are going to want him to come back and they're going to assume somehow he gets out of it. So I had to cut him in half to say this guy's gone, he's history, he ain't coming back. I'll come up with another apprentice. The whole issue of having apprentices, poor Darth Sidious trying to replenish his apprentice supply, is one of the main plot points."

WHAT a LOSER!! Lucas doesn't understand that YOU DON'T create a character that is as eye-catching and as BUTT-KICKING as Darth Maul and NOT give him a back story!!!

In the quote above Lucas admits that Maul is a throw-away character, a person that basically functions as a token bad guy who comes in and exists long enough to kill a major character, only to get killed off.

THAT IS CALLED BAD WRITING GEORGE - no, that's actually called LAME WRITING!

NO character should be in your script that doesn't have A REASON TO BE THERE!

What's the point of building him all up only to ditch him?!? Why NOT give him some interesting reason to be there? Aren't you just LAZY to do anything ELSE?

I mean, Maul's mystery was the ONLY PLOT ELEMENT I LIKED!!! Imagine reading an Agatha Christie novel only to discover that there was no murder at all - that the guy just tripped and fell on the knife. HOW LAME WOULD THAT BE???

I'll tell you... VERY.

GUESS WHAT GEORGE!!! JUST like when you created DARTH VADER and then later when you created BOBA FETT - your throw away characters were MORE INTERESTING THAN EVERYONE ELSE!!!

YES, you can admit it - VADER wasn't originally Luke's Dad, he was just a HENCHMAN with a bit of history with Kenobi. You ALL but killed him off at the end of Star Wars. Then, with how eye-catching and awe-inspiring Vader was, you decided "Hm, maybe I can do something with this guy!"

The same happened with BOBA FETT - you tossed this mysterious guy into a cartoon you wish you never made (remember the Star Wars Holiday Special??) and people FELL IN LOVE with Fett - so not only did you use him a bit in Empire Strikes Back but again in Return of the Jedi. But then, in Jedi, you realized that maybe Fett was getting too popular and that you wanted to make sure people weren't distracted from your now flat and boring characters (Luke talking like an ACTUAL monk, Han being a wuss and Leia being, well, flat) so you decided to kill him off, but boy were the fans pissed.

So not only did you give him a longer scene in the Return of the Jedi Special Edition but you put him in the original Star Wars - a movie he wasn't even originally in!! But that wasn't it - it turns out that Fett will also be in Star Wars: Episode 2! And guess what George? Darth Maul will be there too. Why? Because you will realize the potential of this guy as the most interesting character in Episode 1 and his popularity and you'll BRING MAUL BACK, JUST LIKE YOU DID VADER AND FETT. MARK MY WORDS.

1 comment:

  1. All right, so I got the "Darth Maul coming back" thing wrong, but I'm right on the rest of this post, aren't I?

    ReplyDelete