TheKey Chronicle

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Sunday, August 15, 1999


Danny, Danny, DANNY! WHAT are you THINKING???

YOU want to run for PRESIDENT?

Come ON! Do you REALLY think anyone will even let you win the primary???

Hell, I'm a Independent and I'd vote for Elizabeth Dole before I'd vote for you!! (And what the hell kind of leader would she be?!? All she's done is run the Red Cross!) I know I don't have to run down the long list of all too public blunders you committed while you were Vice President, but I'll name a few just cuz it's fun.

I remember you saying something once, on a visit to Latin America, about how you had wished you'd studied Latin. You know they don't speak Latin in Latin America these days...

Then there was that certain vegetable that shall remain nameless (and therefore will NOT be spelled INcorrectly).

Two words: Murphy Brown. Three more words: She is FICTIONAL.

Do you really think that after all of these ridiculous blunders IN PUBLIC that YOU might have a shot at this big old race? I think you should grab all of your campaign donations and open a restaurant called "LOSERS". I'm sure it would be a much bigger success than your presidential campaign. Just think of all the people who would frequent it! OJ Simpson would eat there, Craig Kilborn would come there after his new show gets canceled. Joan Rivers and her daughter could eat there! Dean Devlin and Roland Emerich would have your place cater their next Godzilla film. Kato Kaelin would tell everyone he worked there, but would never wait on any tables and eat all your food. Lyndon La Rouche would eat there (if he wasn't in prison again for tax evasion).

And once the 2000 election is over, I can think of three more people who will eat there too, Elizabeth Dole, HOPEFULLY George W. Bush oh yeah - and YOU!

Do you have a brain? Or are you going to vote for Quayle?

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